I have to go back about three years to give a clear picture on my
"crazy". Maybe this will help some battered women leave or maybe it
won't, but I feel it is time to tell my story.
So, here I will
tell my story of my short, yet long two and a half year journey, that
still continues in my brain. I hope that someone can get peace of
knowing they are not alone out of this.
The Beginning
I
may have been crazy before “B”, we will call him “B”, but after “B”
life started to spiral out of control and it felt like there was no
going back. Oh, the beginning was fabulous and new and fresh! Man and
woman in love. I thought he was going to be the one. It was great for
the first three months and then the real roller coaster started. I was
being taken on the scariest ride of my life, though I didn’t know it at
the time. People were hurt, friends were lost, children were hurt, it
was not pleasant looking back. It still hurts.
Looking back there
were red flags that I was brushing to the side. It would have been
different if the red flags would have been one and done, but they
repeated over and over. I just thought I was being overly hard on him or
not trusting him enough, being over bearing. We would talk about it and
argue, and he would tell me I didn’t trust him enough and that if I
loved him I would stop accusing him of these wrong doings. It was always
turned back to my fault. Even though the signs were there that he was
cheating, excuses were being made as to why he wouldn’t answer, why I
couldn’t use his phone, why he wouldn’t answer his phone, why he put his
phone on silent, the red flags were there.
I just didn’t listen
to them. I didn’t want to see the bad that started coming out, I wanted
the man that I fell in love with, the sweet, kind, gentle, attentive one
that I had been with previously, the one I knew still existed in this
one. I knew he had to still be in there. I started to make excuses for
him as to why he was being this way and that the man I love he showed to
me. I was wrong. The man I fell in love with was an illusion. When the
illusion wore off and he knew he had me where he wanted me, the real him
started to come out.
